The anxious pull toward closeness
When connection feels uncertain, one partner may seek reassurance, ask repeated questions, or press to resolve the issue immediately. The urgency often comes from fear that distance will grow if the conversation stops.
From the inside, reaching harder can feel like fighting for the relationship. From the other side, it may feel like pressure or criticism.
The avoidant pull toward space
Another partner may go quiet, change the subject, or need distance when emotion rises. This can be an attempt to prevent the conflict from getting worse or to avoid failing in a conversation that feels impossible.
From the inside, stepping back may feel protective. From the other side, it can look like indifference or abandonment.
How the pulls reinforce each other
The more one partner reaches, the more the other may retreat. The more one retreats, the more urgently the other reaches. Each person sees evidence that their fear was right, and the cycle speeds up.
John helps couples identify this loop without making either style the villain. Both are protective responses, and both can create pain when they become automatic.
Styles are not fixed identities
People can respond differently across relationships and situations. Attachment labels are descriptions, not diagnoses, and they should not be used to dismiss a partner or excuse harmful behavior.
The useful question is not which label fits forever. It is what happens between you under stress and what helps each partner feel safe enough to respond differently.
What a session actually looks like
Sessions are 50 minutes by telehealth while both partners are physically in Texas. John may start with a recent pursue-and-withdraw moment and ask each of you to describe the first internal signal you noticed.
He slows the exchange and helps the reaching partner express the fear beneath urgency, while helping the withdrawing partner describe the overwhelm beneath silence. Each gets a chance to respond to the more honest message.
Building a more secure pattern
Security grows through repeated experiences of responsiveness, not through perfect behavior. The free 30-minute consultation lets both partners meet John and ask how attachment-based couples work might fit.
Sessions are $175 for 50 minutes, private pay. John is an LMFT Associate under supervision, and no counselor can guarantee an outcome.
Common Questions
Can John diagnose our attachment styles?
No. Attachment styles are not used here as diagnoses or assessments. They are one way to understand a relationship pattern under stress.
Is the avoidant partner the problem?
No. Pursuit and withdrawal reinforce each other. John focuses on the shared cycle and helps both partners understand what their response is protecting.
How long are sessions and what do they cost?
Sessions are 50 minutes and $175. The first 30-minute consultation is free. John works on a private-pay basis and does not bill insurance directly, though some couples have out-of-network benefits worth asking their plan about.
Take the Next Step
If any of this sounds like your relationship, the next step is a free 30-minute consultation. Both of you can meet John, ask what you want to ask, and decide together whether to schedule a first session. You can also call or text 817-381-0691.